The last words he (Kurt Cobain) spoke aren’t known, but he did leave a suicide note, addressed to his imaginary childhood friend ‘Boddah’:
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, the ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we’re backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seem to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become. I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out then to fade away.
Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. for her life will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU
That’s really hard. I know eating disorders and awareness around them tends to be geared toward females, a lot of people forget guys suffer too. I actually had a male friend who suffered from anorexia for a while.
I do have some posts about males with eating disorders specifically, I will get them ready to reblog for you. But if you want, you can check out right here… I think most of my posts about males and eating disorders are under there. I will also personally make sure I have more posts geared toward guys because you’re right- everywhere is too much geared toward girls and it isn’t fair.
You can also check out this organization, it’s called Men Get Eating Disorders Too. They have a list of books geared toward men suffering right here, a list of other online resources (including blogs of several males with ED), I also believe there’s a ‘community’ section with forums where you can find support.
Another organization you may want to check out is The National Association for Men with Eating Disorders (N.A.M.E.D.). They definitely have support group discussion forums on this website for men and boys (above or below 18), all you have to do is give your email. Again, they have a list of books- this one includes the male oriented books as well as more general eating disorders books so it is a larger list.
Men Get EDs is another place for you to find online support that I just found for you doing a quick search. I don’t know as much about this website but I’ve been looking around and it looks like they do have a ‘chat’ section (although I don’t think many people know this website exists so it was empty when I just went in to check).
A lot of the more general eating disorder organizations also have sections on their websites where they focus on males with eating disorders.
I’m also going to send you to Elijah if you would like to connect with someone on tumblr who is going through the same thing as you… maybe he will have some words of wisdom. He is the one guy I know off the top of my head right now who’s URL I can give you.
I actually don’t think I have many of the links for men with eating disorders in my resources section on my page so I will be sure to add those in for you.
I hope this helped a bit or at least can send you a few places where you can fet support from other men. And like I said, I will be reblogging my posts about men with eating disorders for you and all of the other guys out there.
I know it’s difficult and society makes it feel like this is something just females go through- but there’s nothing to be ashamed about. Men do go through this as well but I think society makes it difficult for all of the guys to be as open about it.
If you need anything please let me know- I’m always here for you and I hope you can find some more of the support you’re looking for <3
This needed rebloggability.
somebody needs to make like one of those appearance rating sites where you put your picture in and it gives everyone a 10 because everyone is beautiful in there own way.
Our new animated series Trip Tank premieres tonight after Workaholics. It’s getting a lot of buzz.
porn is disgusting + porn industry is disgusting + if you think watching porn is healthy you’re disgusting
I find censorship and ill-informed judging far more disgusting. If you don’t like it, don’t consume it.
read this and then delete your blog